wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
