I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
