So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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