peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
