Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
