I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
