Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
