He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Text me some of your sweat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
