I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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