This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
