she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
