So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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