hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
