actually, I'm a sock model
he thought i was a dude.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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