Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize