Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
