Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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