I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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