New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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