Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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