I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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