The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
