Cold hands, warm shart.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
