I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
