The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize