Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
