he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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