I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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