Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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