I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
