I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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