Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
