If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Are my feet made of real feet?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
