so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
