what day is it and did you see me today?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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