She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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