They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize