my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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