Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
