You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
