...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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