My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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