3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
