im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
