whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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