He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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