She is in my trunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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