Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
