i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
