Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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