We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
