I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
