butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
