No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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