Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
