a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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