Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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