I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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