I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
