don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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