i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
