it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
