..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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