He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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