Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have fence marks all over my body
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
