I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
